*red font = translator’s note
Weibo captions: This time’s fan account is more of my heartfelt feelings and also a collection of fan accounts~ It’s really lengthy but I’ve really used my heart to write this~ The sequence of events might be jumbled up~
Every time when I see Hyomin, this question “Unnie why are you so pretty” will always come across my mind and I’ve asked her many times already~ Hyomin’s beauty can only be felt by my heart, not only her outer beauty (appearance), but also her inner beauty (heart).
Initially, I was thinking maybe I wouldn’t write a fan account this time round but I thought over and over again, and decided to write since it was a memorable and blissful experience~ Since the memory is still fresh in my mind, I shall quickly write down the entire experience~ I’m feeling both happy and sad at the moment~ Because I’ll be going back to Australia very soon, so I wouldn’t be able to see Hyomin~ It would be a lapse of about more than 5 months~ Thinking about it makes my face flooded with tears~ Therefore, this fan account is not only an account of my conversation and experience with Hyomin, but also my heartfelt feelings~
First of all, it really wasn’t easy for me to see Hyomin~ Previously, I told my family and friends that I would go on a vacation with them to Japan. So when I went back home after Nanjing on 1st Jan, I handed over my passport to the tour agency. If I were to start applying for a visa on 2nd Jan, it would take about 10 working days. That way, I could get back my passport before 19th Jan to see Hyomin (When we were flying to Nanjing from Beijing before 1st Jan, Hyomin told me that T-ara would have a performance in China on 19th).
It felt like a long wait (after 1st Jan) and I kept thinking of Hyomin every day. I forgot which day in January it was but I suddenly heard that T-ara would be going to Harbin (according to the Daum fan cafe schedule). So I went to ask around – I even private messaged the PD to ask about the recording details. Fortunately, the PD was really kind and told me everything, helped me confirm the dates of the recording, the venue, the duration, etc~ I heard that the schedule starts on 17th and I remembered that Hyomin mentioned “19th Jan” before, and it could actually be a schedule in Harbin~ I was really happy because if the schedule was an outdoor one, this meant that I could see Hyomin for the entire day (Soyeon’s fans were able to see her the whole time she was in Harbin during her recording). So I kept waiting for that day.
A few days later, I heard that only Jiyeon was going for the recording. At that moment, my heart shattered inside me (not that I don’t like her, I actually really like her and I will explain later. But love can only be given to one person~ Like I usually say: my heart is really huge, it can love every aspect of Hyomin but it is also very small because other than her, my heart has no space for anyone else). At that time I went to Lvxin and cried~ She consoled me and said that the variety show might only be for her. But I remembered that Hyomin mentioned a stage? Variety show is not exactly a stage, so maybe there was still a schedule on 19th~ So I held on to Hyomin’s word and waited (It was true in the end. If I didn’t trust Hyomin, I wouldn’t have been able to go to Beijing.) A few days later, new updates came daily, then every 2 hours~ I was in constant panic – I could be happy for a second and devastated the next.
During that period, there was news (rumours) about Dream of Three Kingdoms and League of Legends schedules, and eventually this Beijing schedule. I kept worrying and it was really torturous. I cried to Lvxin almost every day, asking what should I do~ (you might think that I’m silly but I’m not sure what got into me. Liking someone to this degree really made myself feel touched too~) I was thinking if they really had schedules in either Beijing or Shanghai, I would definitely fly there and fly from Korea with them. I really wanted to bid my farewell~ Because I really need to go back to Australia very soon and I wouldn’t be able to see her for quite a few months~ I was under a lot of pressure from my family and friends too at that time~ They really wanted me to go to Japan with them, but I kept begging them to not drag me along~ I really wanted to get my passport back from the tour agency~ Eventually, I managed to get it back and my tears poured when I received it back~ I was thankful, happy, relieved but also apologetic towards my family and friends~ I persevered until the end with the mindset that I really want to see Hyomin~ I was only really relieved after buying the tickets to Seoul~
Come to think of it, it was a really tiring period. It was more ofmental fatigue than physical fatigue~ Alright, let’s go straight to the point! I stayed in Korea for two days but I shall not go into details since everyone is more concerned about Hyomin not me, right? Hahaha 😂
20 Jan Gimpo Airport
I woke up very early in the morning at about 4am. First reason is excitement, second reason is anxiety and the last reason: I don’t feel tired as long as I get to see Hyomin! I went to collect my boarding pass very early and waited for about an hour for T-ara to arrive. My stay in Korea this time wasn’t a very long one so I only bought Godiva chocolate for Hyomin. (I bought them at a place where Hyomin recommended me) Hyomin’s outfit for that day was really adorable, I nearly melted~ I called out to Hyomin and she turned around with a shocked look. (She probably didn’t expect me to be in Korea) I gave Hyomin the chocolates and she accepted with a smile and “thank you”. She passed the chocolates to her manager beside her and said, “help me take these, pass them back to me inside (the departure hall)” (Hyomin was holding her passport so it must have been inconvenient for her to carry it) True enough, she took the chocolates back from her manager after entering the departure hall.
Hyomin: Why is it so heavy, isn’t this chocolate?”
I: Yup~ two boxes of it~
Hyomin: where did you come from?
I: I flew from Shanghai
Hyomin: Why did you come to Korea?
I: I missed Unnie too much so I didn’t go to Japan~
Hyomin laughed: I will be having a solo comeback in March
I: I’m going back to Australia on 18th Feb, I really can’t make it already~
Hyomin: I know, I know… (giving a pitiful look)
I: Unnie, do you have any activities in China in February?
Hyomin: I’m not too sure yet for now, maybe?
I: I hope there will be~ Unnie’s outfit is really pretty today~
Hyomin laughed: It’s all fur
Boram: She looks like a fox! 😂
We soon reached the security clearance and we had to queue up. I was initially queuing behind Hyomin, in front of Qri and Boram. I felt a bit embarrassed so I went to the back. Hyomin saw and waved; she asked me to queue in front of her. I slowly walked to the front carefully and fearfully; I didn’t dare to look at Boram and Qri unnies too, hahaha! Because technically, I was jumping queue 😂
I walked over and asked again and Hyomin said, “of course it’s alright” but I was still very nervous as I queued in front of them. (It’s really weird why I still feel like I’m looking at Hyomin like as if she’s my first love after so many years 😂) I asked Hyomin if her shoe size is 235 but she replied, “my shoe size is 230 but my sports shoes size is 235.”
When it was almost our turn to be cleared by security, I took a baggage tray for Hyomin and myself~ We placed our stuff into the tray and I realised that other than our pullovers/jackets, both of us were wearing black from head to toe. I stood in front of Hyomin but I could feel that she was really small compared to me. My point is, although we were wearing black, the outcome was very different 😂
I couldn’t help it and said, “Unnie, why do you have such a nice body?” Hyomin was embarrassed and laughed~ I felt sorry for Hyomin that she had to carry such heavy stuff so I said, “Unnie, let me carry it for you.” Initially, she kept saying that it’s alright but I insisted so she passed it back to me. Hyomin said, “you must return it to me later, alright?” Hahahaha too adorable~ (I’m actually not that fat, I don’t have much strength! But in front of Hyomin, I suddenly gained a lot of strength~)
We reached the immigration counters and Hyomin said, “I’m going this way, the automatic gantries” (the perks of being a local Korean) I went to the foreign immigration counters instead but there were very few people so I crossed the immigration area earlier than Hyomin. I wanted to tell Hyomin that I did not bring my camera along and wrote it down together with my message on my phone’s notepad. I took out my phone and before I could say anything, Hyomin said, “let me read it.” After reading, she said it’s alright and thank you. (Initially I thought, why did Hyomin thank me? Later I realised that I had written on the notepad that Hyomin looks better than the pictures I took of her) Hyomin said, jokingly, “use your phone to take the pictures then” and I actually took it for real and replied, “no, that can’t do” 😂
Hyomin must have thought that I didn’t have a sense of humour but she laughed~ She took out her phone and said, “I’m going to take selcas!” She was really adorable and pretty. Rather than saying that I was excited at that moment, I felt more calm, relieved and happy~ It’s like watching the person you love doing very ordinary things beside you, very heartwarming~
I told Hyomin that I didn’t have the pass to the recording on that day (20 Jan, Beijing rehearsal) but I forgot what she replied 😂 As we continued to walk, I showed Hyomin my phone’s lockscreen (it was Hyomin’s selca from a few days ago in a cafe) and asked her, “Unnie, are these earholes real?” to which she replied, “They’re fake but I want to pierce for real~” The other unnies went to the duty free shops except Hyomin so I asked her, “Unnie, is there anything that you want? I’ll buy for you” (thick-skinned again) Hyomin replied while waving her hands, “No, I don’t need anything. I have everything that I need~”
T-ara then went to eat so I decided not to follow because it wouldn’t be nice. I hid behind a huge pillar and played with my phone. (Initially, I thought that a male Boram fan would be able to accompany me. But his plane was delayed so he couldn’t fly over in the end. I even told Boram unnie that a male fan was going to fly over but he’s missing 😂 Boram asked if he had lost his way while flying to Korea 😂)
After waiting for a lonely 20+ minutes, T-ara unnies finally came out. It was almost boarding time so I passed the chocolates back to Hyomin. I asked her, “Unnie, are you full? What did you eat?” to which Hyomin replied, “I had udon! I’m stuffed!” I was thinking of the autographs that the other fans had on their passports so I asked Hyomin, “Unnie, can I get your autograph on my passport today?” to which she replied, “Of course, do you have a marker?” Unfortunately, neither of us had a pen or marker and Hyomin said something but I wasn’t sure if I translated it correctly. I think she said something about borrowing a pen from them (plane staff?) when we board the plane. We didn’t sit in the same carriage though.
When we disembarked from the plane, Hyomin saw me and immediately said, “Come over here! Autograph! We might be separated later. Do you have a pen or marker now?” I said yes and handed my passport to her. But I somehow felt very embarrassed to show Hyomin my passport picture because it was really too ugly~ She signed “Always thankful to you” and wrote my name in Korean characters. Shortly after, we got up the travelator but my memory of this part was very blurry for some reason? Might be because of the poor lighting at the airport? Hahaha, I only remembered some parts!
I: Are you all going to leave Beijing tonight or tomorrow?
Hyomin: Tomorrow! Early in the morning!
I: Oh~ What time did Unnie wake up today?
Maybe Hyomin didn’t hear me clearly so she repeated my question to be clear.
I: Would you be able to sleep in the hotel later?
Hyomin: I can’t; we have recording later. You will be coming to the recording, right?
I: Of course! I will find tickets later. T-ara fans haven’t gotten their tickets yet.
Hyomin: Why not?
I: The tickets are way too expensive~ (Actually there were people reselling tickets but most of them are really too expensive. I wanted to tell Hyomin about the reselling situation but my Korean isn’t that good)
Hyomin: Is it because the celebrities going to the recording are really famous?
I: No, no, most of them are just average. T-ara is the most famous in China~
We soon reached the immigration and I told Hyomin to queue up at the foreign immigration counters. I crossed the local immigration very quickly while T-ara Unnies were still queuing up~ I also saw two male idols but I don’t recognise them. They were handsome but I’m not interested~ (Come to think of it, there were quite a lot of idols on that same flight but my heart is only for Hyomin~ I thought before: there are so many KPop idols and almost every single one of them is handsome and pretty, no wonder there are so many fans that like multiple idols. But after going through my personal experience, I abandoned that thought with the mindset that, no matter how many handsome and pretty people are out there, when you fall in love with one person, nothing else matters. Therefore, I’m actually quite proud of my faithfulness~ I can say with all sincerity that I only like Hyomin unnie, she’s the only one in my eyes. Therefore, if you change bias or leave the fandom, it just shows that you don’t like/love them enough.)
Jiyeon was the first one to cross the immigration so I conveyed some words to Jiyeon on Lvxin’s behalf. The main thing is I told Jiyeon about Weibo and stuff and Jiyeon felt kinda sorry for Lvxin~ When the Unnies went to the toilet to touch up on their makeup, I went to a duty-free shop to buy a bottle of red wine for Hyomin 😂
When I gave the bottle of red wine to Hyomin and said, “Unnie, wine, something that you like” Jiyeon laughed hysterically at the side. (This is Jiyeon’s fourth time laughing so hard at Hyomin and I chatting. I really like this kid because her sense and eyesight are really good – she always make way for me, hahaha! Previously, she even said that Hyomin and I are like a couple 😂) Jiyeon said something like, “don’t you like soju?” I said, “Huh? Hyomin likes soju?” Hyomin replied, “No, no, I like red wine.” Hahaha so adorable~ We were almost at the exit so I told her some sincere words. I wanted to say for the longest time but I didn’t have the courage to.
I: Unnie, don’t hate me, alright? For following you around~
Hyomin maintained eye contact with a heartwarming expression while talking to me. This kind of sincerity really touched my heart~ Hyomin said a lot to me but I only understood part of it. The rough idea is:
Hyomin: I won’t hate you, even if I don’t talk much sometimes, that’s only because I was feeling tired. It’s not what you’re saying, so don’t think too much, don’t worry~
That should be roughly what she said~ She felt inside her pocket and took out a lipstick that I gave her the last time.
Hyomin: This is what you gave me~
Hyomin opened the lipstick and applied some on her lips (she did it without a mirror, really incredible haha)
I: If I can keep having these chances to look at Hyomin, even if it’s for 10 seconds, I’ll be very happy~
Hyomin laughed: 10 years?
I suddenly felt that my Korean was really bad, haha!
I: 10 seconds~
After Hyomin heard clearly for the second time, she gave me a sincere expression to acknowledge what I said~ I was really touched~ We maintained eye contact for some time and I could see Hyomin’s pretty face very clearly~ It was really my first time seeing Hyomin’s face so clearly (probably because taraonly1992 didn’t have the chance/courage to look directly into Hyomin’s eyes up close). Although I’ve talked to her up close for many times and looked at her up close, but it’s really my first time maintaining sincere eye contact with her~ If only time could freeze?
Hyomin: When is the next time you will visit us?
I: Yup~ I really can’t make it for Unnie’s solo comeback. My Mom is going back with me so I can’t leave halfway.
I couldn’t remember what Hyomin said after because we were at the exit already and they were going out to see the other fans who were waiting for them at the arrival hall~
I spent that whole day in Beijing. I was shopping around for shoes to give to Hyomin, with only the hope of her being happy~ Some of you might think that I’m not being realistic but in my heart, as long as I can make Hyomin happy, I’m willing to do anything~ Afterall, T-ara Unnies are idols/celebrities, when we buy gifts for them, we can’t have any hopes that they will acknowledge and keep them forever~ Actually, there aren’t many things that we can do for T-ara. So as long as it is within our ability, doing anything for them is a very happy thing to me~
I didn’t manage to watch the performance because I couldn’t buy any tickets. So I decided to wait at their hotel instead~ My main concern was to pass the pair of shoes to Hyomin~ She’s a girl afterall, seeing clothes or shoes will make her happy even if it’s a tiring day! After an hour or so, T-ara arrived at the hotel and I passed the shoes to Hyomin, “Unnie, these are shoes” and she said “ah~” She pouted her lips for quite some time and kept turning back to look at me (I was behind her, to her right) Her expression was really heartwarming~
I: Your size is 230, right?
I: Unnie, are you tired? Sleep early and well~
We bid our goodnights and they left. The whole time, Jiyeon was laughing non-stop, Lvxin and I both saw 😂 When I gave Hyomin the shoes, Jiyeon laughed out too! 😂
21 Jan Beijing Airport
I woke up very early as usual, 4am-ish. Lvxin, and another friend Wang Nan went to wait at the airport~ Knowing that this is the last time I’m going to see Hyomin until July, I was really heartbroken~ I bought some cakes for Hyomin at one of the cafes at the airport~ When T-ara arrived, I immediately saw that Hyomin was wearing the pair of shoes that I bought for her and I was really excited! (Although I don’t have any high hopes that Hyomin will use the gifts that I bought her, but when she really did use them, I would still be extremely happy~) I gave Hyomin the cakes and another fan gave Starbucks to the other Unnies~ Hyomin laughed cos she had a lot of food in her hands.
Hyomin: Am I a pig?
Hahaha, she was too adorable! I held in my laughter and used a serious face.
I: No, you’re not
We started walking and Hyomin raised her left leg.
Hyomin: When I wore this pair of shoes, it feels very right~ I was really shocked
I was too happy to say anything and covered my mouth (but I was still afraid that my cheeks would give away that I was smiling)
I: Unnie, do you like it?
Hyomin: I like it~
I: Unnie, when I’m not around you, take good care of yourself, eat well, don’t fall sick, if not I would be heartbroken~
Hyomin: Alright, I will~ You must take good care of yourself too, alright~
Suddenly, Hyomin: Is your English good?
I: My English is good~ (Not being proud but my English is really good haha)
Hyomin: I want to learn English too~
I: Do you want me to teach you? (I was really too thick-skinned)
Hyomin laughed: Your Korean has to be better if you want to teach me~
I: Ok ok. I’ve been living in Australia for 7 years now~
Hyomin: Since high school? You studied abroad over there, right?
It was almost time for Hyomin to go into the departure hall.
I: Unnie, sleep earlier every night, alright? Don’t stay up till dawn
Hyomin might have not understood; she asked me again and I repeated.
Hyomin: Alright~ (Why did you sleep so late last night, then?! I’m really worried about you, Unnie~ You have to sleep early, alright? You will be very worn out with the solo comeback preparations too~)
Just like that, we bid our farewells.
After that after that, I got up the high speed train~ When I was really, really upset and my heart was fondering for Hyomin, I sent an IG message to Hyomin telling her that I’ll always be by her side~ In a short while, I received many notifications informing me that many people liked one of my pictures (more than usual). With a happy and nervous mind, I opened my IG to realise that Hyomin liked the picture of her that I took 2 weeks ago at one of the Spring Festival recordings~ Actually, it wasn’t taken well – I was too far away, my camera and photography skills aren’t good, so I didn’t manage to capture Hyomin’s beauty clearly. But somehow she gave it a like and I was feeling both happy but guilty too~ I will improve my photography skills~
That’s about it~ I really want to thank Hyomin for her kindness towards me. I feel that I had received a lot more than I would expect with my effort so I’m really touched~ There are really too little things that I can do for her. The only thing I can do for her now is to be always by her side, always looking at her~ I will continue loving Hyomin. I can’t guarantee anything, but I’m sure that I will always love and be by her side~
Translation by vancew90